Forever on
by Enide Dear
Summary: Whatever happens, they'll find one another


Title: Forever on

Author: Enide dear

Pairing: Remnants, no Remnantcest

Rating: sad

Summary: There's always forever, Loz…

Author's note: Do not go gently into that good night; rage, rage against the dying of the light!

"Kadaj! Kadaj, I found him!" The sound of a familiar voice made Loz try to move his head, but it just hurt *so much*. His eyes didn't want to open, the eyelids where stuck together by something sticky; his own blood most likely. Yet that voice, that voice…he couldn't let it go. Struggling he managed to gasp for air – when did he last take a proper breath? – and pain shot through his ribcage. He was too weak to even cough as more copper-tasting blood ran down his throat.

"Hush. Be still, Loz. Don't try to move." Smooth leather against his cheeks first, then even smoother fingers as the gloves where removed. "Everything is alright now."

"No…" he moaned as a wet finger started rubbing away blood from his eyelashes, nothing was alright, everything had gone wrong, so horribly, horribly wrong.

He managed to open his eyes a fraction as the dried blood came away, managed to get a blurry, confused image of Yazoo smiling down on him, happy and reassuring, before the pain overcame him again and he fell down into darkness once more.

When he awoke again, he was wet, warm and wet, and soft hands moved over him, cleaning away blood and cleansing his head wounds. Over the sound of water lapping slowly against a tub he heard the soft humming of a happy, content song. Confused, he opened his eyes. Yazoo's smile was very wide. Loz couldn't remember ever seeing him smiling so wide and unconcerned before.

"You were so incredibly dirty, we had to put you in a bath. Don't worry, though. You'll soon be clean of all that filth." He *tsk-ed* as he saw the grime under Loz's nails. "What have you been doing with these?"

"I…." He could barely remember. After the explosion, he'd been wandering for weeks, months – he couldn't remember. He'd been searching for – something. Lost and confused, unarmed and gravely wounded he'd had to eat what he could find, sleep where he could lie down. And searching, always searching for…. "You!" He suddenly grabbed for Yazoo, almost pulling him from the rim and into the hot, soapy water. "I was…so alone. I looked everywhere for you!"

"Well, obviously not, brother dear, or you would have found me," he teased and hugged back, not caring that he got wet and that his hair got plastered to the leather. "But you did find me, eventually, didn't you?"

"Yeah, I…" he couldn't remember. He'd been so tired, so cold, he couldn't stop the blood flow. He'd been running for so long and now he couldn't run any further. "I…can't remember."

"It's alright. You are tired and hungry, aren't you? Come on, let's get you up and into a bed, and I'll get you some food."

"But my leg is broken…" frowning he looked down into the water, his leg – and he *clearly* remembered this – had had the ragged end of a bone sticking out of it for days. Suddenly a new memory assailed him and his chest almost contorted with fear as he tore up his right arm from the water; the arm that had been nothing but scraps of meat that just wouldn't stop bleeding no matter how hard he tried to tie them. The arm was there, unharmed. He flexed his hand, gaping in wonder. And this hand's nails where a lot cleaner than the ones on the arm he'd kept…

"Are you alright?" Yazoo asked, concerned.

"But I shouldn't be! I was….it was gone!"

"It's there now, isn't it?" Yazoo's smile calmed him; if Yazoo thought it was alright, then it probably was, somehow. "Everything is alright. You can trust me. Don't worry about it."

"If you…if you say so."

"Good. Now come on, you are heavy enough as it is."

The sheets were clean and the pillows soft; Loz couldn't remember when he's last had such a comfortable resting place. But he didn't dare closing his eyes. Something was wrong here – or perhaps, something was *right* here, that should be wrong. He flexed his arm again, moved his foot. He didn't feel any pain any longer, just tiredness and hunger.

He was fighting sleep as Yazoo came in with a bowl of soup and some bread – noodle soup with pork, his favourite – and sat down next to the bed. The room was light and airy around them, and outside he could see rustling leaves on the trees. He frowned again. There were no living trees or plants anywhere near Midgard, except the church, but the smells coming from outside didn't make him want to puke like the flowers in there had.

"Can you eat yourself, or should I help you?"

"I can eat." He started to spoon down the soup as fast as he could; it was delicious. As was the bread, freshly made and liberally spread with butter. But once the food was gone, he put down the cutlery and stared at Yazoo.

"What?"

"I thought you were dead. After the explosion…I didn't want to believe it, but I saw your body, being torn to pieces. I was flung off the roof by the explosion, but you…it took me hours to climb back up, my hand was gone, I was bleeding. They were all gone by then. When I came up there, you were gone. Like Kadaj. But I hoped, I still hoped, that maybe you were out there, looking for me, so I started looking. And they hunted me, everyone, everywhere, and I was to weak to fight back, and I had lost you and Kadaj and Mother and Duel Hound and everything…"

"Hush, don't cry, Loz!" Taking the platter away, Yazoo lay down next to him on the bed, gently wiping his tears away. "I'm here, now." He smiled, again that wide, happy smile. "And so are you, and so are Kadaj."

"What?! But that is impossible!"

"What would you know?" a new voice scoffed teasingly. "My big, stupid, wonderful brother!"

"Kadaj?!" Loz twisted in the bed as a smaller, silver haired figure came running towards the bed and jumped on it with a laugh, threw himself over Loz and hugged him. Loz hugged back, instinctively, hugged so hard, for all the nights he'd been crying for Kadaj's death. With Yazoo he'd hoped even though he knew he shouldn't, but he'd seen Kadaj die, seen him being brought up to the Lifestream…and he'd cried for his lost brother the way he hadn't cried for his lost arm.

"Ugh! You are breaking my spine!" Kadaj protested as the embrace got harder. "Let me breathe!"

"You died!" Loz sobbed. "Youdiedyoudiedyoudied…."

"I am going to die of suffocation if you don't let go a little!" Kadaj grinned down on the teary face as Loz loosened his grip just a fraction. "Missed me, did you? We missed you to. A lot. But now you are here, and everything is perfect!"

"Perfect? You mean….Mother is here? And Sephiroth?"

"Would you want them to?" Kadaj asked seriously.

Loz opened his mouth to say 'yes', but shut it again, thinking hard. It was because of Mother this had all started, it was because of Sephiroth that Kadaj had died….ashamed, he looked away, but Kadaj grabbed his chin and forced him to meet his eyes.

"I don't like lies, Loz." He warned.

"No, I don't want them here. I just want it to be us!" he said defiantly, bracing for the slap and pain he knew he deserved. But it never came. If anything, Kadaj looked relieved.

"Good. Because they're not here, you see. Not them, not ShinRa, not big brother…only us."

Loz shook his head.

"I don't understand, Kadaj. I don't understand anything."

"I know," Kadaj teased, "but you don't have to, remember? It's enough that I understand it, and you trust me. You still trust me, don't you?"

"Of course." What kind of question was that?

"Good. Then get some sleep. We want you rested before we start showing you around."

"You will love it here, I promise," Yazoo nodded.

"Don't….leave me, alright?" Loz kept one arm around Kadaj and placed the other around Yazoo's neck as ht snuggled down further amongst the pillows.

"Never," Kadaj promised, laying down on his chest.

"Never again," Yazoo agreed, moving closer.

"Never, ever…." Loz fell asleep.

"My bike! But I thought Cloud broke it!" Crouching down, Loz started to investigate every single inch of the machine.

"We fixed it for you. It has been waiting here for you since the d…" Yazoo started, but Kadaj gave him an elbow in the side to shut him up.

"*You* fixed it?!" Loz said doubtfully. "You couldn't even fix the toaster, when all that was needed was to plug it in."

"Oh, it was easy," Kadaj said airily. "Go on, try it!"

As Loz revved away over the open grass, laughing all the way, Kadaj shook his head.

"He can accept us, but not his bike?"

"We should tell him. He's bound to figure it out, sooner or later." Yazoo played with a flower from the ground, here where flowers grew that didn't smell bad.

"No. He's been through Hell already, for being so damn stubborn and looking for us. It took him months, you know, to find us." Kadaj took the flower from Yazoo's hand and stuck it behind his ear. "All in all, you and I got off a lot easier. Cleaner. But Loz….the dirt, the pain, the loneliness…bleeding his life away slowly, fighting for every second. For us. So wrong and so loyal."

Yazoo shuddered.

"Let him be happy now, before we tell him. He deserves it. And if he never asks, we might not have to tell him at all. The truth will just confuse him, anyway." Kadaj shrugged with a small smile. "How do you tell someone they're dead, anyway?"


End file.
